What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
