My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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