I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
