if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
