dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
