Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
