I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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