I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
