I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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