The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
