smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
