Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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