I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
