Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
