Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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