I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
