the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
