1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
