bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
