the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
