farters have to be the big spoon...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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