So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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