I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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