i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
