How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
