Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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