You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
