Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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