I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
