I think I died a long time ago.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
