I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
