I'm eating all of the evidence.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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