Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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