Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
