when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
