I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
