This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
