every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
