Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
