So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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