why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
