i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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