i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
