i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
