you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
