awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
