this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
