he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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