Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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