Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
