youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
