Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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