There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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