Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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